The information age makes us all filters at best. We're bombarded with so much stuff that we're forced to either be selective about what we read/hear/see or just be apathetic. And it's so easy to slip into the latter. I want to get plugged into the zeitgeist but I never feel 'qualified' enough - strange, considering how one of the main tenents of the 'net is that everyone can speak. Maybe because it moves too fast, you get left behind, there's always something you've missed.

Chaos is what needs to be dealt with, primarily though, I think.

I mean I can tell myself it's because I live in Malta (as opposed to, say, San Fran, NY or London), because I didn't read enough Ballard or William Gibson novels, because I have no cash for gadgets, because I have a Mac. But obvious, glaring common denominator is that there seems to be nothing to latch onto. Commitment? Yes, maybe I want commitment/stability/predictability. But I dunno, I always took pride in being stateless and free, but it looks like I'm not channeling things properly.
I start drawing my strips but then get voices telling me 'pen and ink is SOOO ten years ago..'

....

When there's no backbone, the banal and superficial become your only pivots, I think that's it. When disorder is all you see, when there's no clear driving force, no 'spirit' behind all that you want to do...the mundane gazes back at you.
Or is it just nothingness playing tricks again? gazes back into you, and all that...

To use chaos or discard it completely for a 'system'? Is having a system really the best way to go, even if said system is a flexible one? But yes, I realize one thing now - I have to try. The system may become a complacent, limiting one in time, but that's when it has to be changed. The only way to remain one step ahead of the chaos is to make it think you're playing along it's rules. Then slip the rug from under it by changing your OWN rules.

I think. *shrug* Maybe it's just me yearning for some sense of camaraderie, like I had at the comic-club place, something that not only caters to your needs for company but also inspires you, creatively. Not that friends CAN'T inspired you, but when you're surrounded by the material itself, it kind of helps. Don't know how mature that is, though, think it might be healthy to stop hopping from one subculture to the next, looking for support - it seems too umbilical.

I feel like some noodles, there aren't any left at home. Have decided to not study anymore for my oral tomorrow. No intention of slaving over some of the dullest texts in my course for a ten-minute oral. Even if the question that comes up is Greek-Chinese to me, I don't care, it's just the way it goes. Otherwise I hope I'll manage to bullshit thru.
Gonna type some fiction up, to add to my deviantart account (www.caffeineisme.deviantart.com) then I'll get back to Chandler's 'The Little Sister' :) Marlowe kicks. I want to be him.